Walk In The Rain With Me: January 2014

The Unfinished Stories...

Monday, January 20, 2014

“Remember He is the artist and you are only the picture. You can't see it. So quietly submit to be painted... You are in the right way. Walk---don't keep on looking at it.” -C. S. Lewis

As a writer, I do not like stories that aren't finished. An unfinished story is so very nagging. I feel compelled to finish it, to get it over with, to finally have it done. Even if the story isn't really going anywhere. It makes me twitchy just thinking about it. Being a writer though, I have quite a few unfinished stories sitting on my shelf. I've put them there for a later date when I actually figure out where I want it to go. But it still bothers me knowing that I have left something so incomplete.

Of course, I'm that way about a lot of things. Crochet projects, for instance. Even if I physically cannot finish them (because I do not have the yarn, am in severe pain, etc.), I'm not really able to rest in peace (perhaps that was a poor choice of words) until I know they're finished. It's bothered me so much to still have a few hats that need to be finished, but I've been having trouble with my hands lately, and haven't been able to get them done, yet. Thankfully, I am so very close.

But back to what I was saying... Unfinished stories, remember?

We as humans tend to really like stories with endings. We like to see how everything works out for everyone's good. We like to see the wonderful affect it has on all of the people involved, and how it has made them better. We love seeing the purpose, the resolution, the redemption.

You can witness that in a lot of different situations, especially in Christan circles. Everybody loves to hear the story about the miracle. The woman who's healed of a disease, the house that wasn't foreclosed on, the job that was saved... We love to hear about someone who finds God through their grief, or becomes a believer because of a traumatic life-experience. We love verses like Romans 8:28. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them." We like to see the reason for our pain and sufferings.

But what do you do with a story that isn't finished? We all know what happens when God heals. But what about when He doesn't?

People do not want to hear a story that has no ending. An unfinished story. But sometimes, God doesn't provide a miracle. Or at least, hasn't yet. This situation is still being worked "for the good of those who love God," but it's a little hard to see where it's going until you're there.

I am currently waiting for my miracle. Waiting for the "Go; let it be done for you as you have believed." You know, sometimes I just look up at the sky and say (mentally, most of the time), "Hey, God! I'm down here! I'm still believing! I know you can heal me! I trust that you will do this, so... what are you waiting for? Go ahead. I'm ready!" My life has been suspended indefinitely in the messy middle.

It's hard to read stories like the one about the centurion's servant being healed. You see that he was healed because his master believed that Jesus could (and would!) heal him. You read that the servant was healed "at that very moment". So many people believe and pray that God will heal me- so why hasn't He? I know He can- so why doesn't He?

One young lady said, "I really appreciated one of Seth Haines' posts which said that often the way we talk about prayer makes it seem as though God's goodness is contingent on the happy answer to prayer. 'X is healed - God is good!' 'This has been provided - God is good!' But can we say 'this sucks - God is good'?"

God is good, and God does heal, but God isn't only good when he heals. God is God (and still good) even when life is terrible. When everything is falling apart... God is good. When my health is failing... God is good. When the sky is falling down... God is good. During the unfinished story... God is still good.

And yes- even when it sucks... God. Is. Good.

A big thank you to Tanya Marlow over at Prodigal Magazine who wrote an article titled "When God Doesn't Heal", as well as the quote included in my post. You can read her article HERE. I really appreciated what she had to say, and it was very encouraging and thought-provoking.

friends

We May Not Understand Each Other, But...

Saturday, January 18, 2014

"Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so." -Lemony Snicket

There are a lot of misconceptions about POTS and other invisible illnesses. People don't know what we're going through, because they can't see the affect it has on our bodies. It's not something you'll just notice about someone you see on the street. If you're never told, you may never even realize if someone you know has POTS.

One of the most common misconceptions about POTSies (and a lot of Spoonies in general) is that we are lazy. That we're not trying hard enough, or that we choose to sit around all day moping, or that we don't want to get better badly enough so we aren't doing everything we can. And most of the time, there is nothing further from the truth.

Probably one of the most frustrating things to be told is that you "just need to get more exercise." Now, in no way am I trying to downplay the effects exercise can have on improving your overall well-being, or in its importance in managing dysautonomia. But saying that we "just need more exercise" implies to us that we're lazy, that our suffering is our fault, and most of all, that you don't really understand what we're going through.

Because POTS is not laziness. POTS is not lack of exercise or motivation. POTS is not a need for fresh air and sunshine.

Do you think that because I don't go to an office every day, or wake up at dawn-thirty to catch the school bus, or walk four miles every day, that I just sit around do nothing all the time?!?! Do you think I'm stubbornly refusing some "life-altering" treatment simply because I'm lazy?!?! Do you think that my life is easy because I'm home so often?!?! Do you think I want to be home all the time?!?!

No.

I know you can't understand that I sometimes physically cannot do anything but sit. I know you can't understand, because I couldn't understand either. Until I experienced it. Until you feel such complete physical exhaustion (which I hope you won't for a very long time), you can't understand. But just because you don't understand doesn't mean it's any less true.

It's hard to say that we can truthfully understand the sufferings of another. On the one hand, it's not as though our lives have been all fricasseed frogs and eel pies. We've had our share of hard times and difficult circumstances.

And yet, you cannot truly understand the depth of someone's pain unless you've walked a day in their shoes. Unless you have personally gone through what they have gone through, you cannot ever understand. Unless you have experienced a very similar ordeal, you cannot understand what it does to them.

But that doesn't mean we cannot understand that life is hard. I may not know what it's like to lose your father or mother, but I do know what it's like to hurt. I may not know what it's like to have cancer, but I do know what it's like to be sick. I may not ever have had to move away from your friends, but I do know what it's like to feel out of place.

We have empathy for things like pain, loss, and fear, because we have experienced them in our own way. And though they may not have been the same for us, that does not make them any less real.

So, no. You cannot understand what I am going through. And I cannot understand what you are going through. But I know that you have suffered in your own way. I know that I'm not the only one hurting. So even if we don't entirely understand each other, I can care for you anyways. I can bear with you anyways. I can pray for you anyways.

I can love you anyways.

That's the kind of love that only God can give through us. The ability to love someone you do not even understand....

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:13-14

growing up

Looking Back and Looking Forward

Sunday, January 05, 2014

“Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”-Walt Disney

Another year has come and gone, and a new one awaits us. 365 (now 360!) blank pages are waiting to be filled in.

And around this time, we not only look forward to a year that has yet to come, but also the one that has passed. For me, it's been... well, it's been a pretty life-changing year. Definitely not one I'll soon forget. So much has happened, and I've definitely grown and changed from the person I was at the end of 2012.

I am amazed at how blessed I feel, in spite of all that happened this year. I've spent a lot of this year being sick or tired, with numerous doctors visits and tests. There have been a lot of tears, a lot of pain, and more than a few nights that seemed much too long.

I look back on the girl I was at the beginning of 2013, and I can only wonder at how much I have changed. Some of you adults out there might laugh, but when I look back on who I was, I feel so very old. I feel like I'm about five years older than I was, not just one.

Yet in the midst of all that, there was also a lot of laughter. There were smiles. There has been beauty amongst it all. I've just learned that, sometimes, you have to look harder to see it.

This year has helped me learn how to recognize and appreciate the happy little somethings in life. New journals. Moments spent cuddling with your mom. Cloudy days. Songs that make me smile. Eating and not feeling sick afterwards. The sound of rain pitter-pattering on the windows. Checklists of things I actually did. Red hair. Reading a book. Combat boots. Having the chance to help someone else. Watching movies with your dad. The whole year was filled with little (and not so little!) miracles.

And so, even though my year didn't really go the way I had planned, I am happy that it happened. And also happy that it's over. I am ready to move on in my life. I know that things probably aren't going to be instantly fixed, but I also realize that no matter how bad things get, there are always things to be thankful for. There will always be a happy little something to find joy in. You just have to look hard enough.

(This song pretty much sums up 2013 for me.)

The Unfinished Stories...

We May Not Understand Each Other, But...

Looking Back and Looking Forward

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