The Things We Fear the Most...

Thursday, July 17, 2014

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." -Christopher Paolini

So, the other day, I published this blog post.

Now for some reason, before I hit that alluring button that says "Publish", I felt... hesitant. Scared even! Looking back on that, I don't really get it. I mean, it's not as though the post was incredibly "controversial" or anything. (At least, not in the circles I run with.)

I guess I tend to get a little nervous anytime I think I'm mentioning something theology related. Because what if I'm wrong? What if I've been confused my entire life? What if I write something that looks good at the time... and then sounds really stupid later?

And I guess it all comes down to one simple question-  What if I look silly?..

Yes, it's sad, but I'm sometimes worried about looking silly. I realize- in some small part of my mind- how stupid it is to care so much about how other people perceive me. And I talk a lot about not letting society and your perception of how people perceive you stop you from being yourself. (If that made any sense...)

But for all my fancy-schmancy "hipster" talk, I'm still human. And I'm still a teenage girl. And I'm still self-conscious. As much as I want to have that perfect, "devil-may-care", "caution to the wind", "I'm so comfortable with myself" attitude that some people seem to have, I don't.

At least, not really.

I question, and I agonize, and I go back and forth about whether or not I should publish the blog post. Because my blog posts are not just blog posts. They are a part of me. A little piece of my mind that I've decided to share with anyone who chooses to look. They are my personality, my gift, and my escape.

But on Tuesday, July 15th, I decided to just get over myself and push the button. I put aside my fears and insecurities to put myself out there- not really knowing what I hoped to achieve, but knowing that what was done was done.

Within 30 minutes, I had my first comment on Facebook saying "I just read your latest blog and it was incredible! Not only are you an amazing writer, you're also an amazing Christian! That post was something I really needed to read, thanks for sharing!" And before the day was out, my post had reached 290 people.

290 people!!!

Pretty amazing, right?

And this isn't even the first time something like that has happened! In fact, I had an almost identical experience last year when I was writing and preparing to publish When All You Have Is Fishes. I was so scared to post that one, and yet that was what really kicked off my "Living Water Hats" venture... or whatever you want to call it.

And I'm coming to realize that sometimes it's the thing you fear the most that means the most in the end. But really- think about it? How many amazing experiences would I have missed (would you have missed!) if we had avoided something simply because it's scary.

Just think- if I had let fear control me, I would never have started this blog. And if I had never started this blog, I would never have shared about my Living Water Hats. And if I had never shared about my hats, I would never have had the experience of raising a thousand dollars to send to Asia. And If I hadn't had that experience, I never would have seen how God took my little hats and turned it into something that touched so many people. And if I (or, rather, God through me) had never touched so many people, than I might never have been able to bless even more people by sending a well to Asia.

So you see, sometimes we just need to swallow our fears, get over ourselves and the possibility of looking silly, and just do it.

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  2. Isn't it funny how God works through our weaknesses? I published a blog post that I didn't think was all that good, but I had over 400 people read that post in one day, and several people told me how true it was and how much it really spoke to them. They thought I was being modest when I said it wasn't that good, but I really didn't think it was. Still, God used it. And if I hadn't put it out there because I didn't think it was very good, all those people wouldn't have been blessed by it.

    I like to let people believe that I don't care what they think, but (although that is true a fair bit of the time) I do care a lot more than I let on. And the two parts of me that war with each other tell me not to live under the fear of man (Prov 29:25) and shape myself to the wishes of other people, or on the other hand to listen to reproof (Prov 15:32) and decide to take their opinions into consideration. My best option is to try to walk the tightrope of a happy medium, giving fair thought to the rebuke of people that I trust, but not letting their opinions dictate who I am more than the opinion of God.

    It's beautiful to be able to look back and see the multitudes that God has fed when we were not too ashamed to offer our meager loaves and fish. Keep on offering!

    1. Exactly! And thank you for the nice comment, by the way. It always makes me happy to see that someone actually commented on my blog! :)