Walk In The Rain With Me

The Unfinished Stories...

Monday, January 20, 2014

“Remember He is the artist and you are only the picture. You can't see it. So quietly submit to be painted... You are in the right way. Walk---don't keep on looking at it.” -C. S. Lewis

As a writer, I do not like stories that aren't finished. An unfinished story is so very nagging. I feel compelled to finish it, to get it over with, to finally have it done. Even if the story isn't really going anywhere. It makes me twitchy just thinking about it. Being a writer though, I have quite a few unfinished stories sitting on my shelf. I've put them there for a later date when I actually figure out where I want it to go. But it still bothers me knowing that I have left something so incomplete.

Of course, I'm that way about a lot of things. Crochet projects, for instance. Even if I physically cannot finish them (because I do not have the yarn, am in severe pain, etc.), I'm not really able to rest in peace (perhaps that was a poor choice of words) until I know they're finished. It's bothered me so much to still have a few hats that need to be finished, but I've been having trouble with my hands lately, and haven't been able to get them done, yet. Thankfully, I am so very close.

But back to what I was saying... Unfinished stories, remember?

We as humans tend to really like stories with endings. We like to see how everything works out for everyone's good. We like to see the wonderful affect it has on all of the people involved, and how it has made them better. We love seeing the purpose, the resolution, the redemption.

You can witness that in a lot of different situations, especially in Christan circles. Everybody loves to hear the story about the miracle. The woman who's healed of a disease, the house that wasn't foreclosed on, the job that was saved... We love to hear about someone who finds God through their grief, or becomes a believer because of a traumatic life-experience. We love verses like Romans 8:28. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them." We like to see the reason for our pain and sufferings.

But what do you do with a story that isn't finished? We all know what happens when God heals. But what about when He doesn't?

People do not want to hear a story that has no ending. An unfinished story. But sometimes, God doesn't provide a miracle. Or at least, hasn't yet. This situation is still being worked "for the good of those who love God," but it's a little hard to see where it's going until you're there.

I am currently waiting for my miracle. Waiting for the "Go; let it be done for you as you have believed." You know, sometimes I just look up at the sky and say (mentally, most of the time), "Hey, God! I'm down here! I'm still believing! I know you can heal me! I trust that you will do this, so... what are you waiting for? Go ahead. I'm ready!" My life has been suspended indefinitely in the messy middle.

It's hard to read stories like the one about the centurion's servant being healed. You see that he was healed because his master believed that Jesus could (and would!) heal him. You read that the servant was healed "at that very moment". So many people believe and pray that God will heal me- so why hasn't He? I know He can- so why doesn't He?

One young lady said, "I really appreciated one of Seth Haines' posts which said that often the way we talk about prayer makes it seem as though God's goodness is contingent on the happy answer to prayer. 'X is healed - God is good!' 'This has been provided - God is good!' But can we say 'this sucks - God is good'?"

God is good, and God does heal, but God isn't only good when he heals. God is God (and still good) even when life is terrible. When everything is falling apart... God is good. When my health is failing... God is good. When the sky is falling down... God is good. During the unfinished story... God is still good.

And yes- even when it sucks... God. Is. Good.

A big thank you to Tanya Marlow over at Prodigal Magazine who wrote an article titled "When God Doesn't Heal", as well as the quote included in my post. You can read her article HERE. I really appreciated what she had to say, and it was very encouraging and thought-provoking.

friends

We May Not Understand Each Other, But...

Saturday, January 18, 2014

"Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so." -Lemony Snicket

There are a lot of misconceptions about POTS and other invisible illnesses. People don't know what we're going through, because they can't see the affect it has on our bodies. It's not something you'll just notice about someone you see on the street. If you're never told, you may never even realize if someone you know has POTS.

One of the most common misconceptions about POTSies (and a lot of Spoonies in general) is that we are lazy. That we're not trying hard enough, or that we choose to sit around all day moping, or that we don't want to get better badly enough so we aren't doing everything we can. And most of the time, there is nothing further from the truth.

Probably one of the most frustrating things to be told is that you "just need to get more exercise." Now, in no way am I trying to downplay the effects exercise can have on improving your overall well-being, or in its importance in managing dysautonomia. But saying that we "just need more exercise" implies to us that we're lazy, that our suffering is our fault, and most of all, that you don't really understand what we're going through.

Because POTS is not laziness. POTS is not lack of exercise or motivation. POTS is not a need for fresh air and sunshine.

Do you think that because I don't go to an office every day, or wake up at dawn-thirty to catch the school bus, or walk four miles every day, that I just sit around do nothing all the time?!?! Do you think I'm stubbornly refusing some "life-altering" treatment simply because I'm lazy?!?! Do you think that my life is easy because I'm home so often?!?! Do you think I want to be home all the time?!?!

No.

I know you can't understand that I sometimes physically cannot do anything but sit. I know you can't understand, because I couldn't understand either. Until I experienced it. Until you feel such complete physical exhaustion (which I hope you won't for a very long time), you can't understand. But just because you don't understand doesn't mean it's any less true.

It's hard to say that we can truthfully understand the sufferings of another. On the one hand, it's not as though our lives have been all fricasseed frogs and eel pies. We've had our share of hard times and difficult circumstances.

And yet, you cannot truly understand the depth of someone's pain unless you've walked a day in their shoes. Unless you have personally gone through what they have gone through, you cannot ever understand. Unless you have experienced a very similar ordeal, you cannot understand what it does to them.

But that doesn't mean we cannot understand that life is hard. I may not know what it's like to lose your father or mother, but I do know what it's like to hurt. I may not know what it's like to have cancer, but I do know what it's like to be sick. I may not ever have had to move away from your friends, but I do know what it's like to feel out of place.

We have empathy for things like pain, loss, and fear, because we have experienced them in our own way. And though they may not have been the same for us, that does not make them any less real.

So, no. You cannot understand what I am going through. And I cannot understand what you are going through. But I know that you have suffered in your own way. I know that I'm not the only one hurting. So even if we don't entirely understand each other, I can care for you anyways. I can bear with you anyways. I can pray for you anyways.

I can love you anyways.

That's the kind of love that only God can give through us. The ability to love someone you do not even understand....

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:13-14

growing up

Looking Back and Looking Forward

Sunday, January 05, 2014

“Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”-Walt Disney

Another year has come and gone, and a new one awaits us. 365 (now 360!) blank pages are waiting to be filled in.

And around this time, we not only look forward to a year that has yet to come, but also the one that has passed. For me, it's been... well, it's been a pretty life-changing year. Definitely not one I'll soon forget. So much has happened, and I've definitely grown and changed from the person I was at the end of 2012.

I am amazed at how blessed I feel, in spite of all that happened this year. I've spent a lot of this year being sick or tired, with numerous doctors visits and tests. There have been a lot of tears, a lot of pain, and more than a few nights that seemed much too long.

I look back on the girl I was at the beginning of 2013, and I can only wonder at how much I have changed. Some of you adults out there might laugh, but when I look back on who I was, I feel so very old. I feel like I'm about five years older than I was, not just one.

Yet in the midst of all that, there was also a lot of laughter. There were smiles. There has been beauty amongst it all. I've just learned that, sometimes, you have to look harder to see it.

This year has helped me learn how to recognize and appreciate the happy little somethings in life. New journals. Moments spent cuddling with your mom. Cloudy days. Songs that make me smile. Eating and not feeling sick afterwards. The sound of rain pitter-pattering on the windows. Checklists of things I actually did. Red hair. Reading a book. Combat boots. Having the chance to help someone else. Watching movies with your dad. The whole year was filled with little (and not so little!) miracles.

And so, even though my year didn't really go the way I had planned, I am happy that it happened. And also happy that it's over. I am ready to move on in my life. I know that things probably aren't going to be instantly fixed, but I also realize that no matter how bad things get, there are always things to be thankful for. There will always be a happy little something to find joy in. You just have to look hard enough.

(This song pretty much sums up 2013 for me.)

fear

When All You Have is Fishes... Part 3- Overflowing

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

"Another fresh new year is here . . .
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!" -William Arthur Ward

We are finally coming to the end of 2013. Usually, I feel a certain amount of sadness at the passing of another year. One more year that's passed. Another year towards the end of my childhood. But this year, I feel nothing but relief. Relief that the year I felt would never end... finally is ending.

2013 has been a really rough year, for me. Being sick has been very stressful, even beyond just feeling bad. It puts such a strain on your heart, mind, and just your overall being. So this year, I smile at the thought that it's finally over. That perhaps next year will be better.

But I don't really want to write this post about being sick. I'll save that for next time. Right now, I have something much happier to talk about. Because 2013 wasn't a complete washout for me, and there were things in it that make me smile. My little sister, Shiloh, had her first birthday. I made it into my first Quo Vadis play- and as the part that I wanted, too!

Another thing that became a huge part of my life this past year, is my Living Water Hats mission. It started back at the end of 2012, as just a little idea in my heart and head. The first time I ever mentioned it was on October 25th, when I wrote an article about if for our family newspaper. At the time, I had no idea how long it would take, or what to expect. Plus, I didn't really know where to go from there. I knew that I wanted to raise $1000 for a Jesus Well, and that I wanted to sell crochet hats as my way of raising money, but that was as far as I had gotten.

Well, time passed, and I got older, but I didn't forget about Living Water Hats. I sold a few hats, but most the money that ended up in my the envelope was simply what I put in there from my paychecks every week.

My biggest stumbling block in selling my hats actually had to do with the fact that I felt like my dream was very small, and I saw people doing much bigger things. People who also needed donations, and had a "more important" cause than I did. People at church were going to Honduras for a mission trip, and someone else was actually moving to Honduras for a year. How could I take attention away from those things, just to sell my little hats?

But after a while, I finally felt like God was telling me that I needed to follow Him, even though I felt like it was a small thing. So I wrote a blog post about it. (You can read that, HERE.) My main goal in writing that was to remind people that the gifts God had given them weren't small. I wasn't really thinking very much about the fact that anyone who read that anyone who read my post would hear about my hats. I just wanted people to know that they had something to offer, too.

But people did hear about my hats. One person in particular. The worship leader at church, Mr. Matt, read my blog post and wanted to help out. He approached me about it the Wednesday after I published the blog post, saying that he wanted to help me tell other people about my hats, as well as purchasing one.

I was amazed at how God had used my blog post. Even if the conversation we had may have seemed like a small one, it was a milestone for me. It had me nearly in tears, and I don't cry. I was so moved by it that I ended up talking about it on the stage in front of the whole church.

And that was when it completely exploded!

I cannot explain how it all happened, because it is beyond explanation. It is too great and wonderful for the confines of the written language. Too huge for my human mind to comprehend.

On October 2nd, nearly a year after I first started Living Water Hats, I finally reached $300. At this point, the goal was still to have the well fully funded by January 1st, 2014. I knew, vaguely, that God can do anything, but I most definitely wasn't holding my breath for it. It wasn't really that I didn't think it could happen, just that I didn't think it would. By the 20th of October, I had reached $400. On November 2nd, I passed $500, which was the half-way mark. On the 14th, I only had $530. But somehow, by mid-December, I had $700.

And now, two days before the goal-date... I have not only achieved my goal, but SURPASSED it! When we counted everything in the envelope, including the mountainous pile of change at the bottom, I had $1,030.73!!! Just like in the story, the baskets are now overflowing...

My mind is still reeling from the sheer chock of realizing that I went from $300 to over $1000 in the span of two months. Two months!!! The only was this could be explained is by giving credit where credit is due- to God only. This isn't my well. It's God's well.

And God has certainly taught me a few things through this whole journey. Firstly, He has taught me that no dream is small when God has given it to us. He has given each of us a dream. And it doesn't matter if you're not called to a foreign land. Not everyone is supposed to go to Honduras. But that doesn't mean your dream is small. That doesn't mean it's nothing.

Secondly, I have seen that God uses even the most unlikely vessels. I'm certainly not what I would think of as being the prime candidate for raising a thousand dollars. As sad and hard as it is to say, I am no longer the picture-perfect teenager I used to be. I went from being in the prime of health to being "like an old person" (in the immortal words of Nate) over the span of just a few months. My health has gone downhill very quickly, and we got my diagnosis not too long after Living Water Hats really started to take off. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to keep up with the hats, because I just feel so tired sometimes that even crocheting is more than I can handle. And honestly, I know I could never have done this on my own.

I guess that's why God so often uses people like me- who are too small, too sick, too broken, too whatever. Because we cannot even begin to claim that it was us who did it.

Thirdly, I have been reminded to never underestimate what God can- and will!- do. He is so much bigger than we give Him credit for. We have a tendency to try and fit God in a box. We try to make-believe that we understand everything there is to understand about Him. And then He goes and does something like this. He reminds us that He is infinitely bigger than even the biggest box we have. Just as He isn't limited by time or space, He isn't limited by our abilities, our failing health, our past, or even our lack of faith. Things that would trip us up do not even come close to touching God.

He can take your fishes- your three hundred dollars- and use it for so much more than we can even dream of ourselves...

__________

I would like to thank everyone who has helped me reach the goal of $1000 dollars before New Year's Day, 2014. There are too many people to thank everyone by name, but there are a few people I would like to mention here. First off, Mr. Matt, whom God has used to spark the whole thing off. Mr. Todd and Mr. Emerson, who have been super supportive and helpful in getting the word out and getting my Facebook page started. Also, the whole Youth Group at Four Winds Church, who have been amazingly supportive and encouraging. And lastly, my mom, dad, and older sister, who have been there from the beginning.

And, of course, God- who has given me all of these amazing people, and without whom I would not be here.

family

Words from a POTSie- Pt. 3

Saturday, December 21, 2013

"The joy you bring us is so much greater than the sadness we feel about your illness." -John Green

I have said already (both HERE and HERE) that illness is hard. Both of these posts were focused on how hard illness is for the sick person. But illness is especially hard on the family as well. It's so very hard to see people you love hurting, and knowing that you can't help them is even harder.

In my last post, I did a list of Ten Tips to (and from!) a Spoonie. This time though, I wanted to do something a little different. So here you go...

Ten Tips to (and from!) a Spoonie: Family & Friends Edition

1. None of this is your fault. Just as we Spoonies shouldn't blame ourselves for our illness, you can't blame yourself for our illness, either. Nothing that you did or didn't do for us has made us like this. We just are.

2. We are hurting... Please remember that we don't want to be this way. All of those times when we don't unload the dishwasher like we should? As strange as it may sound, we probably wanted to. We want to help, but some days we just can't. And that hurts us even more.

3. ... but we know you're hurting, too. Sometimes we have a hard time showing it, but we know this is hard for you, too. We know we're not the only ones who are struggling through this.

4. Have a life. Please don't let us and our illness keep you from living. We know you have a life apart from our problems, and we want you to experience it. We want you to have fun. We want you to keep doing the things you enjoy. So get there and do them!

5. Know your Spoonie-speak. We Spoonies say "I'm fine" a lot, and it's always a lie. "I'm fine" is Spoonie-speak for "I'm not really fine." Because when we're really fine, we don't use words like fine. We use words like "great" or "really good." Also, "I need help" is NOT an over-exaggeration. "I need help" means "I REALLY need help!"

6. Please don't be afraid of us. Yes, we can be very needy, but please don't let that drive you away. We still want to be your friend, and we still love you just as much as we did before we were sick. Please don't worry that you'll damage us in some way. As fragile as we may seem, we're made of tougher stuff than you think.

7. We know you have problems, too. You might be tempted to hide your problems in the face of what you see us going through. Please don't. We do have our problems, and most days they are more than enough, but we know we're not the only ones suffering. We know you have issues that are unrelated to our illness. And it's OK to tell us about them. It really is.

8. Sometimes, it's best not to ask. It's so very hard to answer the question "Are you feeling better?" In truth, we usually are not. Or if we were, we would tell you first. So most times, it's just best not to ask. If you really want to know how we're feeling, ask. But don't ask if we're "feeling better", because we know you want to hear the word yes.

9. We need you. We could never do this without you. You are an integral part of our world, and we cannot imagine it without you.

10. You are amazing.

We cannot fully express (and you cannot fully comprehend) just how grateful we are that you're still here. That through every doctor's visit, through every bad day you have been there. Not just everyone can do what you do. Not just everyone knows how to love someone who is so very broken. But you do. And for that, you are amazing.

illness

Words From a POTSie- Pt. 2

Thursday, December 19, 2013

"A healer is someone who seeks to be the light that she wishes she had in her darkest moments." -Vironika Tugaleva

I was diagnosed with POTS. It's not something I'd ever heard of until a few months ago, and unless you have or know someone with POTS, you probably don't know too much about it, either. So here's something you should know- being sick is hard. It's hard on your body and on your heart. And it often feels like you're the only one in the world who feels this way, since you're often the only one in your world who feels this way.

Because of how rarely diagnosed POTS is, a lot of POTS patients get most of their information and encouragement from blog posts and online resources. I know that I have several POTS related blogs I like to follow. I'm not sure whether or not anyone with POTS will ever see this or not, but it applies to pretty much any chronic illness.

Here is my list of

Ten Tips to (and from!) a Spoonie

1. None of this is your fault. Unlike some illnesses, nothing you did or didn't do caused you to be like this. There wasn't anything you could have done to prevent this. It just is. Do not blame yourself for your illness.

2. Remember that your illness is small... This isn't all there is to life, although many times it many feel like it. This is just a small thing in the big picture. Things may not ever miraculously be fixed, but it won't always be this bad. There will be good days, too.

3. ...but it is also very big. The impact this has on you isn't small. It may not be terminal cancer, and it may not be life-threatening, but that doesn't make it any less important. It is a big part of your life, and likely will be for a while.

4. Don't try to do this alone. You need people in your life to help you get through this. You need people to remind you when you forget to take your medicine. You need people to explain what's happening when you just can't figure it out. And sometimes, you just need someone to sit and watch a movie with you when you feel like you can't do anything else. Find someone.

5. Don't be afraid of being vulnerable. There is nothing wrong with opening up to someone about your life. It's such a relief sometimes to just talk to someone. No pretenses, no mask, no "I'm fine" when you're really not. Sometimes you just need to tell someone how much you're hurting. Do it.

6. You don't always have to be strong. You won't always be alright. And that's alright. It's OK to not have it all figured out. It's OK to be "not so great." There are just days like that.

7. Don't forget to live. Sometimes your illness may seem to just take over your life. With medications, doctor's visits, and new home remedies to try, it's very easy to forget that there's a life out there that doesn't have to revolve around your illness. You may not be able to just toss your illness to the side whenever you please, but make sure you don't let it rule you. Get lost in a book. Watch a great movie. Write a journal (or blog) entry that doesn't mention your illness.

8. Remember the good 'ole days. Don't forget about what your life was like before your illness. It may be tempting to think about it as little as possible because it makes you remember all that you don't have anymore, but sometimes you really need to remember that there was a time before all of this started.

9. It's OK. Remember that no matter how big your illness may get, your God is bigger. And because of this, you can look your illness in the face... and laugh. Just laugh. Because it has already been defeated for you. Everything will be OK.

10. You are not alone. No matter how lonely it may feel in the world of chronic illness, you're not the only one. There are people who truly understand, and there are people who may never understand, but they'll still stick with you through it all. Through every bad day and every new medication. You are not alone.

So there you have it. Ten Tips to (and from!) a Spoonie. If you don't understand the reference there, please Google "The Spoon Theory". It's probably going to be at the top of your search engine.

Be sure to pass this along to any "Spoonies" you may know.

illness

Words From a POTSie- Pt. 1

Friday, November 29, 2013

“Miraculously recover or die. That's the extent of our cultural bandwidth for chronic illness.” -S. Kelley Harrell

Get a chronic illness. Four words you probably didn't have on your to-do list for 2013... I know I didn't. In fact, there was nothing on there about illnesses. There were things like "crochet a blanket" or "buy a laptop". I even had "celebrate each major Jewish holiday" on there! But I certainly didn't have "get a chronic illness" on the list. No way!

Chronic illnesses are not something you plan for. Most parents don't think about chronic illnesses when thinking about their baby's future. Most kids, when asked what they want to be when they grow up, won't say, "I want to be sick forever!" When the child-version of you thought about their future, they probably didn't imagine it in a constant state of pain and suffering caused by a disease most people have never heard of and cannot understand.

People like to imagine the best for themselves and those they love, and typically, a chronic illness just doesn't feel like "the best."

I should know.

I was recently diagnosed with something called POTS- Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. (Try saying that five times fast...) Most people have never heard of it. At one point in time, I was one of those people.

POTS is a form of Dysautonomia, or autonomic dysfunction. (AKA- Your autonomic system is messed up, man.) If you want more information (as in, a lot more information) click HERE.

There are many of different forms of Dysautonomia and each is a little different, but for me and other people with POTS, when we stand up, our heart-rate and blood-pressure don't adjust correctly to the change in posture. This means our heart speeds up much faster than it needs to. My resting heart-rate was somewhere in the 70-80 bpm (which is normal), and my standing heart-rate got all the way up to at least 120, though I'm thinking my highest may have been 136. (Could be exaggerating it a bit, but I don't think so.)

Your autonomic system affects a whole lot of stuff, so the symptoms of POTS may seem pretty unrelated. You wouldn't normally expect that your severe stomach pain would be at all connected to feeling faint upon standing, would you? (If so, perhaps you should go into the medical field. (Or perhaps you're already in the medical field...? In which case, I wish we'd seen you first.)) Brain fog? Cold hands and feet? Fatigue? Heat intolerance? Basically, all of you feels pretty crappy. Yes- I just said crappy, so you know it's not good.

It's been a long journey for me to a diagnosis. (Perhaps not as long as some, but it was certainly long.) I endured numerous doctor's visits, all number of embarrassing tests, a month long stint with a heart monitor, frustrating doctors, frustrating circumstances, and a countless number of days that just wouldn't seem to end.

Even now that I have a label, the journey isn't over. So much of the treatment for POTS involves trial and error. Not every treatment works the first time, and some treatments that worked just fine for Sally-Sue simply won't work for me. We haven't found my "perfect balance" quite yet, though I have faith that this new adjustment will be what I need.

Now, I don't say any of this as a plea for sympathy, although it might seem like it. To be honest, sympathy is one of the last things I want. Alright, there are times when I want a little sympathy. (Don't we all?) Most of the time, though, I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I get that a lot, and it's sort of gotten old. What I want most is for people to understand.

I don't mean for people to understand how POTS works. I don't mean for them to have top knowledge all of the technical terms and up-to-date medical jargon. I don't mean for you to know. I mean for you to understand.

I want people to understand that it's hard to remember what most people's "normal" feels like because this has been my "normal" for so long. (Did you know that fainting "only once or twice a week" isn't normal?) I want people to understand how hard it is for me to tell them how I'm feeling. I want them to understand that no matter how many times I remind myself that it's not my fault, I still feel guilty over being sick. I want people to understand what I live with every day. Even the good ones. I want people to understand how hard it is to wake up each day and pretend- for the sake of the sanity of everyone around me- that I'm alright. I want people to understand that there's always more then what they see. I want them to understand how hard this is for me...

Because it is so very hard.

It might not be cancer. It might not be starvation or malnutrition. It might not be a death sentence. It might not be extreme poverty or homelessness. It might not be divorce. It might not be Cystic Fibrosis, or MS, or Crohn's Disease, or any number of other terrible illnesses.

But this is hard.

And through the hardest days, this is what I have learned to cling to- Jesus understands. Jesus knows about suffering and pain. He knows about what it means to hurt. He knows how it feels to be alone. And He has wept. When I remember all that He has gone through for me, and that He understands even when no one else does, I have peace.

Because it is then that I remember... I am not alone.

So whatever you're going through right now, there are a few things I want you to know. You've probably heard them before, but sometimes it just helps to be reminded again.

First off, you do not have to do this on your own. You are not meant to do it on your own. No man was made to be island, and that includes you. Talk to someone. They may not always understand, but there are always people who will listen. You just need to find them. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. We have this tendency to think we need to be strong all of the time, but the truth is that people may never know you're suffering if you never tell them.

And if all else fails, remember this- when you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, just shrug. It was never yours to carry...

life

Life Isn't Lived On a Stage

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

"These are the days which must happen to you." -Walt Witman

Well, we are just now coming to a close on my mini-series about The Reset Movement. It's been nice to have something very reliable to write about for the past while, and I think I'll miss this overflow of stuff to publish. Now I'll have to go to a little more trouble to find a topic for my blog posts... (Or maybe not.)

In any case, this is certain to be the last. The very last. And perhaps the best! But perhaps not. You guys will have to let me know which post was your favorite out of the three! (Click HERE and HERE to read my previous two posts on The Reset Movement.)

And now, on with the story!

After all of the other artists had done their stuff, we came to the final bit of the concert, and the part we'd all been waiting for... Rend Collective Experiment!!! Some people (not to name any names... (Third Day!)) are nice enough to listen to on the radio or on a CD, yet are just dull to watch in person. And then there are other groups who you can tell were made to be seen and not just heard. Rend Collective definitely fits into the second category! (Along with such bands as for KING & COUNTRY and Switchfoot.)

They came on and did several songs. (Duh.) Everyone was dancing. I wanted to dance, but it was the end of a pretty noisy and exhaustive concert, so no matter how much I wanted to dance, my body simply wouldn't let me. (Darn POTS!) But even though I couldn't dance around, I still enjoyed it immensely.

The sheer amount of energy and joy you can see in their faces makes you want to smile, too. They seem so very sincere. You can tell they're not just putting on a show- they actually believe what they're saying. (And singing!)

Towards the end of their performance, while they were setting up for their grand finale, one of the guys from the band starts talking about their new album, Campfire. He says, "Now, Young Patrick here, he's a very quiet lad. He doesn't tell you what's going on with him. I think the disease is called "being an introvert". [Insert laughter here.] But get him around a campfire, and you can watch him open up. That's what church and worship should be like. It's not about fancy stages or big buildings. It's a community."

I thought that was so cool! (Beyond discovering that the oh-so-handsome Young Patrick is an introvert.) And so very true, too. Sometimes we get so caught up in all of the trappings that frequently come along with what we like to call "worship", and we forget that worship doesn't just mean "a section of church in which music is played." It can be that, too. But everything you do- from taking out the trash, to calling a friend on the phone- can be a form a worship. Worship doesn't have to be this prim-and-proper, perfect... thing. Sometimes worship is off-key. Sometimes it's just plain dirty.

That's a really big theme in their other album called "Homemade Worship by Handmade People." It was music that wasn't done in a studio. It was a reminder that worship doesn't have to be prim and proper. It doesn't have to be some clean-but-impersonal studio recording. (Which is why they recorded the whole album in part of the band's living room.)

I went to another concert (not The Reset Movement) this past Sunday. It was a really neat event. There were lots of different artists there- Peter Furler from the Newsboys, Francesca Battistelli, Third Day, and... Switchfoot! (As well as a few bands I'd never heard of before.)

Now, of those people, Third Day was supposed to be the "main event". I really think that was a bit backwards, because Switchfoot totally stole the show. Third Day is nice and all, but Switchfoot?! Amazing!

During the middle of Switchfoot's preformance, the lead singer (whose name happens to be Jon Foreman) started talking. I can't remember exactly what he said, but it went basically like this- "Life isn't meant to be lived on a stage. What really matters isn't what happens up here. It's what happens out there." And with that, he jumped of the stage and started walking through the audience, singing all the while. That was one of my favorite parts of the whole day. Now, I can imagine that getting out there in the crowd must have been pretty cool for him, but it had to be at least somewhat... em... untidy, as well. I mean, it's not as though there weren't tons of people around him, all with their own germs and problems. You can't go into a crowd that size and come away completely clean.

But life isn't meant to be lived on a stage. It's not the big things- the things with flashing lights and lots of attention- that are the most important. The things that sometimes mean the most are when you're out in the world, getting your hands dirty. Jesus didn't come to earth and say, "Alright everybody! Gather round! Just make sure that anyone who's got a cold stays behind the barricade! I can heal you from there just fine. And it's alright if you touch my cloak so long as you make sure to use one of the complimentary hand-wipes first. Thanks Pete for passing those out!"

No. He obviously didn't say that. He didn't huddle inside of His house, afraid of getting dirty. He didn't heal the sick from afar. He didn't tell his followers not to associate with people who weren't Jewish.

No.

He dined with sinners and touched the sick. He associated with the lowest of the low, no matter how bad he might have looked afterwards.

Yet so often, we have a tendency to shy away from things that get us "dirty". We might not think twice about giving money to this cause or that cause, yet we certainly won't be the first volunteering to help some poor guy dig through the trash to find his phone. (After all, iIt's his fault that he dropped it!) That girl over there might never have heard of Jesus, but she has a bad reputation, and if I become her friend, people might think I'm like her! After all, “Bad company ruins good morals!”

(Now, in no way am I saying this verse should be discarded. All I'm saying is that it seems we often use it as an excuse not to become friends with people who aren't Christians. Jesus associated the most with people who weren't considered to be... oh, I dunno... "religious". Samaritans, tax collectors, etc.)

Perhaps we shouldn't be so afraid of getting dirty. Perhaps it's time to let go of the preconceived notion that we have to look perfect at all times. Maybe it's time that we just let go of our pride and self-consciousness and just... get messy!

(So, it doesn't really have much to do with my blog post... but it is from the "Homemade Worship by Handmade People" album!)

life

All That We Are

Monday, November 11, 2013

“You are not what others think you are. You are what God knows you are.” -Shannon L. Alder

You were warned! I'm about to write a second post on The Reset Movement. Hopefully you don't get tired of hearing about it, because there may very well be a third one in your future. (Duh duh duh!)

So... Picking up where my last post left off, after the second singer finished her solo bit, a bunch of people come onstage. This was one of my favorite parts of the concert that wasn't Rend Collective Experiment, because it just felt so... nice. Instead of being just one person or group, there were people from pretty much every section of the concert coming together to preform. There was the base player from Rend (Young Patrick... Very cool, and I must mention very good-looking!), a keyboardist/singer, a DJ, two guitarists, and a drummer. There was such a feeling of community- people from all different backgrounds and groups coming together to worship God. Very cool!

They played several songs together before the next soloist did her bit, and I heard my other favorite song during that portion of the concert. Much like the first song I mentioned, it is not available on Youtube. (Did you hear that? Not one but two songs Youtube doesn't have. Ha!) So once again, you'll have to be content with my entirely unsatisfactory "rendition" of it. It was called "You Say", and the line that I liked best (taken from the chorus) said "All that we are is all that you say we are."

Take a moment and think about that...

We hear so much from so many different sources these days. Magazines, television, the mirror, friends, even ourselves. All of these different people who all try to tell us who we are. What we hear usually isn't encouraging, yet that's what we get embedded in our hearts. We have bought into the lie that we are junk. Fat. Worthless. Stupid. Failures. Pointless. Weird. Not good enough. Unlovable.

But you know what? Our worth- YOUR worth- is not found in your clothes. It's not in your IQ. It's not in a dress size or a test score. It's not in how much money you have, or what people you know. It's not what other people say about or to you that defines who you are.

You are who GOD says you are.

And you know who He says you are? He says you are His child. He says you are special. Chosen. Saved. Forgiven. Beautiful. He says you are His beloved. That you have been bought with a price. We have been ransomed.

So this is a reminder to all of the people out there- young or old, girl or boy- who have bought into the lie that they are junk. You will never find your worth in what other people think about you, because that's not where your worth is. That's not what your worth depends on. Your worth is found in Jesus and who he says you are.

Don't let what people say about you drag you down and keep carrying it around as baggage. Baggage only weighs you down, and God has come to set you free!

(A favorite skit by The Skit Guys.)

life

You Don't Have to Stay Strong

Thursday, November 07, 2013

"Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it." -Ann Landers

I went to The Reset Movement the other day, and it was amazing!

I wasn't quite sure what to expect, because the website didn't really give you much information about the event. I'm not really sure why that is... I guess it's so that you're surprised by it. Or perhaps because it's fairly new.

In any case, I didn't have much of an idea what I was going to be seeing. I went with my sister, her boyfriend (heeheehee), my Daddy, and another friend. The main reason we were there (and probably the only reason I ever heard about it) was because my absolute favorite band was going to be preforming. Rend Collective Experiment. (If you've never heard of them, I challenge you to go Google search them. They're amazing, and about 10x better live!) I had pretty much decided that it really didn't matter who they were touring with, if they ever came anywhere near me, I was going to be there. No matter what it took, I would find a way to get into that concert.

Back to the story, though. We got there a bit early (yay!), wandered about the church a bit, and waited. The church, may I just say, seemed to be the size of a mall. We didn't come close to seeing all of it, and even the bit we did see was ginormous. I probably wouldn't have gone anywhere for fear of getting hopelessly lost if it hadn't been for the fact that my dad wanted to see more of it. I certainly felt very small in there.

The doors opened, we went in (after a bit of juggling to make certain my Dad actually got to come in with us) and got some pretty good seats. Not so close to the front that we were right next to the speakers (a very good thing, as I was later to find out), but close enough that we could see everything really well. The doors opened about thirty minutes before the show actually started, so we watched/listened to the "pre-show" while we waited.

I was a bit worried about the part of the concert that didn't involve Rend based on what the pre-show sounded like. It seemed very... main stream and hip-hopish. Not really my taste. And (of course) the just had to play The Harlem Shake... Really!?

Once the show actually started, I was even less enthusiastic about the rest of the concert. The first singer was this hip-hop/rap guy, and his background music (or whatever you call it) had so much base in it that I could literally feel my clothes vibrating. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to stay in there the whole time or not, it was so awful. Over half the time I couldn't understand what he was saying, the majority of the time I thought I could tell what he was saying, I knew I wasn't hearing correctly. Half of it sounded like swear words, which didn't really fit into the context of the rest of the event. I can't say I was too disappointed when he was finished...

Once he left (or, rather, stopped being the main attraction, since he was on stage pretty much the whole time), I was much happier. My clothes no longer felt as though they were going to just shake right off my body, and I was a lot happier. In fact, I actually really liked the rest of the concert.

One of the earlier singers- a young lady who just-so-happens to be the older sister of Jamie Grace- had a song that really caught my attention. Unfortunately, it's not yet been released... So I can't let you hear it too. You'll have to be content with what I can tell you in words.

The song was called "Cry (He Hears You)". The first bit was about how people are always telling you not to cry. They always tell you to "stay strong" and "don't give up." And whatever you do, no matter what you've been through, don't let them hear you cry. Then in the last version of the chorus, just as the song is coming to a close, it switches, and says "No. It's OK to cry. He hears you."

That spoke volumes to me. (And I'm sure it wasn't just the blaring speakers that left me with ringing ears for the next several hours afterwards!) It's alright to not have all the answers. It's alright to not be strong enough. It's alright to cry. Because God does have all of the answers. God is strong enough. And He hears you when you cry. He puts each tear in His bottle.

And you know what?

I think it's even OK to give up. To just give in and admit that you're broken. That you can't do it on your own. And maybe... Maybe that's what He wanted all along. For you to give up what little control you think you have over your life. To just let it all go...

(Well, I decided you don't have to Google search Rend. This is one of my favorites by them.)

The Unfinished Stories...

We May Not Understand Each Other, But...

Looking Back and Looking Forward

When All You Have is Fishes... Part 3- Overflowing

Words from a POTSie- Pt. 3

Words From a POTSie- Pt. 2

Words From a POTSie- Pt. 1

Life Isn't Lived On a Stage

All That We Are

You Don't Have to Stay Strong

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