Looking Back and Looking Forward

Sunday, January 05, 2014

“Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”-Walt Disney

Another year has come and gone, and a new one awaits us. 365 (now 360!) blank pages are waiting to be filled in.

And around this time, we not only look forward to a year that has yet to come, but also the one that has passed. For me, it's been... well, it's been a pretty life-changing year. Definitely not one I'll soon forget. So much has happened, and I've definitely grown and changed from the person I was at the end of 2012.

I am amazed at how blessed I feel, in spite of all that happened this year. I've spent a lot of this year being sick or tired, with numerous doctors visits and tests. There have been a lot of tears, a lot of pain, and more than a few nights that seemed much too long. 

I look back on the girl I was at the beginning of 2013, and I can only wonder at how much I have changed. Some of you adults out there might laugh, but when I look back on who I was, I feel so very old. I feel like I'm about five years older than I was, not just one.

Yet in the midst of all that, there was also a lot of laughter. There were smiles. There has been beauty amongst it all. I've just learned that, sometimes, you have to look harder to see it.

This year has helped me learn how to recognize and appreciate the happy little somethings in life. New journals. Moments spent cuddling with your mom. Cloudy days. Songs that make me smile. Eating and not feeling sick afterwards. The sound of rain pitter-pattering on the windows. Checklists of things I actually did. Red hair. Reading a book. Combat boots. Having the chance to help someone else. Watching movies with your dad. The whole year was filled with little (and not so little!) miracles. 

And so, even though my year didn't really go the way I had planned, I am happy that it happened. And also happy that it's over. I am ready to move on in my life. I know that things probably aren't going to be instantly fixed, but I also realize that no matter how bad things get, there are always things to be thankful for. There will always be a happy little something to find joy in. You just have to look hard enough.

(This song pretty much sums up 2013 for me.)

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