A Window to My Soul

Thursday, March 12, 2015

The camera is an incredible thing...

I was left once again pondering the beauty of photography last week after an impromptu photo-shoot with my eight year-old brother.

I love these spur of the moment photo-shoots with my siblings, because they're so very raw. They're never posed, they're certainly not perfect, and sometimes they're a little bit messy... But they're real. They're open, honest, transparent, and so very beautiful.

Now, it all started out like any other "photo-shoot." I was trying my best to keep up with a very active eight year-old, and he was scurrying about in the snow talking a mile a minute about this, that, and the other.

This is usually what happens when I take pictures of my siblings- they ramble on while I listen and snap as many pictures as I can.

Sometimes I manage to catch a genuine smile...

...But most of the pictures look a bit more like ^this one!

So, we were just playing around in the snow together when I suddenly had the idea to offer my little brother the chance to have the camera. He's seemed interested in it on the few occasions when he slowed down long enough, and I was interested to see if he would get any usable pictures.

I think he only took about four or five before he got bored, but when I got inside and started looking at what he'd taken, I was struck by the fact that these pictures of me really were beautiful

I am beautiful.

I truthfully do not have many body-image issues. I don't think I'm ugly or fat or whatever, but I also don't often think of myself as truly beautiful.

My little brother does, though. To him, I am beautiful. Not average. Not ordinary.


As I looked at those four, beautiful pictures he'd taken, I was reminded why I first fell in love with photography. I fell in love with photography because of its ability to become a window into the soul of the photographer. 

When I saw myself through his eyes, I was reminded how much I want other people to see themselves through my eyes. I want to show other people how beautiful I think they are.

It's interesting (though I suppose not very strange) that the hobbies I am most drawn to in life- writing and photography- intrigue me because of their ability to allow me to show other people what's going on inside my head.

I have a very difficult time actually relating to people very well. I'm not sure why, but it's very hard for me to talk to people and tell them what I'm thinking or feeling. I tend to feel like the alien in most social situations- the outsider who doesn't really know what's going on or why.

As a result, I don't end up connecting with very many people. I have a few close friends, but I don't get the impression that most people I "know" actually know me.

And I realize that a large part of this is my fault. It's my fault that I distance myself from people who want to get to know me. It's my fault that I can't get myself to ever fully trust anyone. It's my fault I'm afraid to open up.

But when I get behind a camera or start throwing my thoughts onto a piece of paper... that's when I'm finally free. That's when I'm able to get my thoughts outside my head. That's when I'm at home with myself. That's when people finally understand me.

Cameras and pens are my key to showing people that there really is something interesting going on inside this head of mine.


What is your key to connecting with people? Is it easy for you to relate to people, or is this something you struggle with? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below, over at my Facebook page, or email me at anastasiarosewrites[@]gmail[.]com.


101 Things: Counting Down

I'm still working on my paper cranes, but I've also written a letter to myself (#75), and listened to classical, new age, jazz, and world music (#41)!

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