“God can't give us peace and happiness apart from Himself because there is no such thing.” -C.S. Lewis
It
seems like I've been posting a lot lately about "God-moments."
Don't get me wrong! I'm not complaining. In fact, it's quite the
opposite. I'm amazed at how many "God-moments" I've been
blessed with recently. And the most amazing part of it is, they've
been entirely unexpected.
As
I'm certain you noticed, I have been feeling rather out of sorts
lately. It seems like it's been a constant struggle with my health.
Most recently, it's been problems with my stomach. I don't really
care to tell my story again, so if you want to read about what's
going on please click HERE.
Anyways,
I've been really struggling- not only to do the things I used to find
so easy (eat a healthy meal, get to sleep, relax), but also to have
fun. I almost have to work in order to have fun right now. I've found
it really hard to enjoy life. To sit back and relax. To really really
laugh. To not grimace all the time.
On
Sunday morning, I was at church. (Like I usually am on Sunday
mornings.) This morning in particular I was feeling really bad. I
wanted so much to sit in the sanctuary, to sing the worship songs...
but I couldn't. I ended up lying down on a couch in the fellowship
hall during the middle of worship. Not exactly what I wanted to be
doing. I was so upset with myself and with the fact that I felt so
terrible. (Am I the only one who sometimes feels guilty being sick?
Stupid, I know, but... yeah.) I was frustrated and tired and
disappointed.
After
a bit, my dad came and said that he was going to ask our pastor to
pray for me. So we went back in (they were still singing), and asked
him. Well of course he said he would, and after the song was over he
said that he was going to pray for/over me, and that anyone who
wanted to do the same could come and do so.
As
different people were praying for me, I just felt really... peaceful.
Like all the pain, all the sickness, all the hurt, all the worry just
melted away. I wasn't thinking about my stomach feeling bad. I wasn't
thinking about being sick. I wasn't even thinking about the fact that
I was tired. It was like a cool shower after being hot and sweaty all
day, or rain after a drought.
One
of the things that amazed me almost to no end was how many people
came to lay their hands on me. It felt so nice to know that all of
those people cared for me and about me, and were praying for me to
get better. It was almost a George Bailey moment. If you've ever seen
It's a Wonderful Life, I'm sure you understand what I'm talking
about. (If you haven't seen it yet, you should. It's a great story!)
That unforgettable ending scene where everyone comes to his house
with all the money they can get together? That's how I felt. All
these people rallying together to help me. All of these people whose
lives I had touched.
I'm
still feeling bad. I'm not going to say there was an instant answer
to prayer and I am miraculously healed. But I'm also not going to say
that those moments were useless. Because even if there's no
lightening-bolt of healing, even if I were to live with this
condition (or whatever it is) for the rest of my life, I believe that
those prayers were heard. And I will never forget how that felt.
