Walk In The Rain With Me: love

True Love?

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." -C. S. Lewis

Love- perhaps the most important "four letter" word ever, and yet we (as a culture and a people) really seem to have forgotten what love actually means.

We use and abuse the word love all the time- attaching it to everything from movies, to food, to hot celebrities. If you look at the real definition of love (as given to us by the one who knows it best), you see that love is sacrifice. "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." Consider that in the context of modern culture's usage of the word-

"I [would die for] X-Men!"
"Cheese is so good! I [would die for] it."
"Benedict Cumberbatch is amazing. I [would die for] his acting!"

Yeah... I don't think most of us actually take that into account when we say we "love" all sorts of things. I mean, I don't know about you, but as much as I like cheese, I'm not gonna die for it. That's just silly!

And that's not the only way society has lost sight of what true love is- take most any Disney Princess movie, for instance. I'm not even going to go into the whole "marrying a man you met that day" thing, because that's too much to delve into right now. But here's what I do want to mention...

In most movies (Disney or otherwise), "true love" is shown as a guy and a girl who are destined to get married. The Princess (or the Prince in a few cases) is saved from the terrible spell by "true love's kiss".

Now, there's nothing wrong with this picture of love, because this can be love. (Like I said, I'm not going into the whole "marrying someone you only met that day" thing.) People who get married should truly love each other.

But I firmly believe that the love between a parent and their child, between siblings, between friends, and even between strangers (see "The Good Samaritan") is true love. It's a very different kind of love, to be sure, but it's still true love.

So... taking into account what I just said, I have actually been very refreshed by some of the newer movies that Disney has come out with. I've noticed a lot of people complaining about the rise of "feminism" in Disney movies. They want more "old-fashioned" fairy-tales like Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, etc.

But what I like about these movies isn't their use of "girl power", or any perceived insinuation that guys aren't needed. (Because I don't really agree with that.) What I like about these movies is that they are opening up to the idea that true love might be more than just "romantic." In Brave, they showed us the true love between a mother and daughter. In Frozen, we saw true love between two sisters. And with Maleficent... well, I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen the movie, but if you have, than you ought to know what I'm talking about.

So... Does this mean that Hollywood finally understands what love actually means? That it's more than just warm, fuzzy feelings of attraction to someone else? Em... Probably not.

But now... for just a little while... they sort of got close.

family

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

Sunday, June 15, 2014

"Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father." -Lydia Maria Francis Child

Dear Daddy,

It's Father's Day- the day we celebrate Dads. And you know what that means? I'm celebrating you. And you know what one of the best ways to celebrate someone is? To thank them. So...

Thank you, Daddy! Thank you for reading bedtime stories to me, even when I fell asleep. Thank you for all of the times you carried me to bed and tucked me in. Thank you for introducing me to such classics as Narnia, Wrinkle in Time, and Lord of the Rings. Thank you for not making me watch Watership Down. But most of all, thank you for just being my Daddy.

I still remember the first time you ever said "I don't know." I was pretty small at the time (and I'm certain you've said it plenty of times since), and I was simply shocked that there might be something you didn't know. It had never even occurred to me that you might not know everything.

Daddy, I realize you're not perfect. I realize that you sometimes get mad, or have a bad day. I realize that life can get you down. You're only human, after all! But you're still my amazing Daddy. You still love me so much, and I still love you. Being your daughter is such a joy, and I cannot imagine life without you.

Thank you for constantly reminding me how much you love me- whether it is from a hug, a pat on the head, or taking me to see the new X-Men movie. I can see your love for me and all of our family in so many different ways, one of the biggest being your empathy. I know that you hurt when I hurt- which has been all too frequently this past year.

Thank you for all of the prayers when I can't sleep, and the gentle hugs on those days when "even my hair hurts." Thank you for all of the heartfelt conversations. Thank you for every little moment spent on the couch. Thank you for working so hard every day so that we have everything we need, and even some things that we don't.

Daddy, no matter what happens, or how the future years turn out, I will always love you. You have taught me so much, and I cannot say thank you enough. I love you!

Because I just had to... :)

family

To My Mommy

Saturday, May 10, 2014

“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.” -Jane Sellman

Dear Mommy,

Mother's Day is here, and I don't think even a novel could really cover everything I want to say. This year has been a crazy one, and has reminded me how thankful and blessed I am to be your daughter.

Mommy, you are awesome. Thank you for letting me call you Mommy, and not ma'am. Thank you for making me laugh when I'm feeling down. Thank you for making so many wonderful memories with me. Thank you for putting up with all the insane dance and theater schedules, and for pushing me to get over my fear so that I could do something you knew I would enjoy. But most of all, thank you for always being there.

You've been with me through every doctor's appointment and every doctor's bill. You've been with me when I was dancing on the stage, and when I was curled up on the couch feeling like I'd been run over by a truck. Through every popping joint, every upset stomach, every poke with a needle... You were there.

No matter what I'm going through, I know that you're right beside me. You tell me that it's going to be OK. You make me laugh, but you also remind me that it's alright to cry sometimes. You remind me take my medicine and drink plenty of water, and you always forgive me when I forget something. Even when it was important!

Mommy, you inspire me. I know that you don't always get the thanks and appreciation you deserve. (If you did, we would give you a paycheck!) You have one of the hardest jobs in the world- being a mom. But you keep on doing it. No matter how many times you threaten to run off and join the circus, you're still here. And you still love us. And you still care for us.

When I look at how much you have to deal with every day- sick kids, stinky diapers, whining, messiness, and a constant list of things to do- I am amazed. Amazed that you manage to not go completely insane. Amazed that you never give up. And amazed that you do it so well.

Mommy, you have taught me so much over the years, and you continue to teach me each and every day. You teach me about life, and about happiness. You teach me what it means to be a mother, and to love unconditionally. You teach me that every gift is appreciated, no matter the price-tag attached to it. You teach me to be independent, even though I know you would love for me to always be little.

You have always encouraged me to do and be the best that I can, both in dance and in life. And yet you also remind me that sometimes, things happen. Sometimes we don't win. And that's OK. Because you've always loved me, and you always will. You have taught how to lose with grace, while still reminding me that to you, I'll always be a winner.

Mommy, if ever I am a mother, I hope I can be just a little bit like you. Thanks for being part of my life, and for being such an amazing mom. Words cannot contain how much I love you. Love is really more of an open door anyways, so I'll just leave it at that.

I love you, Mommy!

Thank you for not naming me phone!

friends

We May Not Understand Each Other, But...

Saturday, January 18, 2014

"Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so." -Lemony Snicket

There are a lot of misconceptions about POTS and other invisible illnesses. People don't know what we're going through, because they can't see the affect it has on our bodies. It's not something you'll just notice about someone you see on the street. If you're never told, you may never even realize if someone you know has POTS.

One of the most common misconceptions about POTSies (and a lot of Spoonies in general) is that we are lazy. That we're not trying hard enough, or that we choose to sit around all day moping, or that we don't want to get better badly enough so we aren't doing everything we can. And most of the time, there is nothing further from the truth.

Probably one of the most frustrating things to be told is that you "just need to get more exercise." Now, in no way am I trying to downplay the effects exercise can have on improving your overall well-being, or in its importance in managing dysautonomia. But saying that we "just need more exercise" implies to us that we're lazy, that our suffering is our fault, and most of all, that you don't really understand what we're going through.

Because POTS is not laziness. POTS is not lack of exercise or motivation. POTS is not a need for fresh air and sunshine.

Do you think that because I don't go to an office every day, or wake up at dawn-thirty to catch the school bus, or walk four miles every day, that I just sit around do nothing all the time?!?! Do you think I'm stubbornly refusing some "life-altering" treatment simply because I'm lazy?!?! Do you think that my life is easy because I'm home so often?!?! Do you think I want to be home all the time?!?!

No.

I know you can't understand that I sometimes physically cannot do anything but sit. I know you can't understand, because I couldn't understand either. Until I experienced it. Until you feel such complete physical exhaustion (which I hope you won't for a very long time), you can't understand. But just because you don't understand doesn't mean it's any less true.

It's hard to say that we can truthfully understand the sufferings of another. On the one hand, it's not as though our lives have been all fricasseed frogs and eel pies. We've had our share of hard times and difficult circumstances.

And yet, you cannot truly understand the depth of someone's pain unless you've walked a day in their shoes. Unless you have personally gone through what they have gone through, you cannot ever understand. Unless you have experienced a very similar ordeal, you cannot understand what it does to them.

But that doesn't mean we cannot understand that life is hard. I may not know what it's like to lose your father or mother, but I do know what it's like to hurt. I may not know what it's like to have cancer, but I do know what it's like to be sick. I may not ever have had to move away from your friends, but I do know what it's like to feel out of place.

We have empathy for things like pain, loss, and fear, because we have experienced them in our own way. And though they may not have been the same for us, that does not make them any less real.

So, no. You cannot understand what I am going through. And I cannot understand what you are going through. But I know that you have suffered in your own way. I know that I'm not the only one hurting. So even if we don't entirely understand each other, I can care for you anyways. I can bear with you anyways. I can pray for you anyways.

I can love you anyways.

That's the kind of love that only God can give through us. The ability to love someone you do not even understand....

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:13-14

life

All That We Are

Monday, November 11, 2013

“You are not what others think you are. You are what God knows you are.” -Shannon L. Alder

You were warned! I'm about to write a second post on The Reset Movement. Hopefully you don't get tired of hearing about it, because there may very well be a third one in your future. (Duh duh duh!)

So... Picking up where my last post left off, after the second singer finished her solo bit, a bunch of people come onstage. This was one of my favorite parts of the concert that wasn't Rend Collective Experiment, because it just felt so... nice. Instead of being just one person or group, there were people from pretty much every section of the concert coming together to preform. There was the base player from Rend (Young Patrick... Very cool, and I must mention very good-looking!), a keyboardist/singer, a DJ, two guitarists, and a drummer. There was such a feeling of community- people from all different backgrounds and groups coming together to worship God. Very cool!

They played several songs together before the next soloist did her bit, and I heard my other favorite song during that portion of the concert. Much like the first song I mentioned, it is not available on Youtube. (Did you hear that? Not one but two songs Youtube doesn't have. Ha!) So once again, you'll have to be content with my entirely unsatisfactory "rendition" of it. It was called "You Say", and the line that I liked best (taken from the chorus) said "All that we are is all that you say we are."

Take a moment and think about that...

We hear so much from so many different sources these days. Magazines, television, the mirror, friends, even ourselves. All of these different people who all try to tell us who we are. What we hear usually isn't encouraging, yet that's what we get embedded in our hearts. We have bought into the lie that we are junk. Fat. Worthless. Stupid. Failures. Pointless. Weird. Not good enough. Unlovable.

But you know what? Our worth- YOUR worth- is not found in your clothes. It's not in your IQ. It's not in a dress size or a test score. It's not in how much money you have, or what people you know. It's not what other people say about or to you that defines who you are.

You are who GOD says you are.

And you know who He says you are? He says you are His child. He says you are special. Chosen. Saved. Forgiven. Beautiful. He says you are His beloved. That you have been bought with a price. We have been ransomed.

So this is a reminder to all of the people out there- young or old, girl or boy- who have bought into the lie that they are junk. You will never find your worth in what other people think about you, because that's not where your worth is. That's not what your worth depends on. Your worth is found in Jesus and who he says you are.

Don't let what people say about you drag you down and keep carrying it around as baggage. Baggage only weighs you down, and God has come to set you free!

(A favorite skit by The Skit Guys.)

life

I am (Partly) a Normal Person

Wednesday, September 04, 2013

“I was always fascinated by people who are considered completely normal, because I find them the weirdest of all.” -Johnny Depp

Ah, how I love to write! I took a bit of a break from my blog for a while, but I'm back now. I don't know exactly why I took a break. I mean, it's not like it was a planned break or anything. I just... didn't write.

Mostly, I couldn't decide what to write about. I don't want to complain all the time about how I'm feeling, and whenever I tried to type up a post, that was all I could think to write about. At some point, you're just tired of being sick. You want to get back to normal things, and you want to forget about it for a while.

And so, I didn't write.

But now I am! Because now, I have something to write about.

I often have people tell me that my blog posts hit right where it hurt most. Right in that spot of their life that they struggle with. They tell me how much they can relate to what I say, and for a long time I wondered why.

Not that that's a bad thing! I really like it when people tell me that they can relate. But how is it that people from such very different walks of life can all get something from the same piece of work? How can people who have so little in common still find something for them in my writing?

Part of it is, I think, in the nature of how we read and interpret things. Everyone brings a little of themselves with them when they read, and while they're not actively thinking about it at the time, they still filter everything through their own experiences and opinions. Everyone can get something different from it, because everyone is unique, and everyone has experienced different things. We can take what someone has written and put a new perspective on it that is as one-of-a-kind as the person reading.

(That was one thing I noticed when reading all of The Chronicles of Narnia. Every time I read it, I noticed something new. They always held something in their pages that I hadn't noticed last time, no matter how much I've read the series. And no matter how many people have read it, there's something in there for everyone. (The Bible is like that, too. Only... more.))

And I think that's one of the amazing things about how God made us.

Also, I think it has something to do with the fact that, underneath it all, I am (partly) normal. Oh, I know some people would be surprised to hear that. I'm sure there are a few friends of mine who think I'm pretty weird. (To be fair I think they're pretty weird, too.) And I believe that's true. The other day someone called me fascinating. I think that's true, too.

But I also believe that, underneath it all, I'm a bit normal. Because when you think about it, what is normal?

Sometimes you think of normal as average or everyday, but I don't think that could possibly be it. Everyone is so different from one another, that there really is no "everyday". Some people hide their differences more than others because they're afraid to be different, but everyone is unique, so really... what's the point?

Is normal what society tries to tell you is right? Because if so, I don't want to be normal at all. And I don't really consider myself "normal" in that definition. Society tells you that you need to wear tons of makeup, follow the latest trends, have a hot boyfriend, etc. And I don't want or have any of that.

But if normal means having basic needs that everyone feels, then sure. I'm normal. I want to feel needed and important. I want to be cared for. I want to have friends. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself. I want to love and be loved. I want to be noticed, and I want to be remembered.

So I guess, underneath, we all have a bit of normal. And I don't think that's a bad thing. It gives us all common ground. No matter how different we are, we have common denominators. Things we all understand and relate to. Things that give us a reason to try to like each other. Or, at least, to not hate each other. Because when you realize that someone struggles with the same things you do, and when you realize that you have the same needs, it makes it easier to put aside your differences. To forget about all of the things you don't have in common, and think about the things that you do share. It gives you a certain degree of... empathy. Not just sympathy, but empathy. The ability to share and understand the feelings of another.

So maybe- maybe- the world would be a better place if we remembered that we all have a bit of normal.

love

What?!?!

Friday, May 17, 2013

family

May Is For Moms-

Sunday, May 12, 2013

"Very few writers thank their mothers for keen editorial insight. I'm proud to be the exception." -Rebecca Mekkai

May is the month for moms. And I think they really deserve it.

So, in honor of May, my Mommy, and mothers everywhere, I have decided to do a special addition post about moms. Each day or so until May 12th (which just-so-happens to be Mother's Day), I will add onto this post. Hopefully, by Mother's Day, it will be a really long and awesome post dedicated to my mom and mothers everywhere. So... have a wonderful time reading this super long post!

______

April 30th, 2013

One of the things I want to do is tell you about my mom and what makes her so amazing. To do that, you need to know a little bit about our family.

First of all, I am the second out of five siblings. I have three sisters, and a brother. (Poor little guy!) My oldest sibling is sixteen. She's amazing, but we're not really here to talk about her. I am, as I have previously stated, fourteen. My next sibling is an eight year-old sister. My one-and-only brother is six, and last but not least, my littlest sister is nine months old. As I'm sure you can tell, my mom has her hands full. (And believe me, we are a handful!)

I think I forgot to mention that she is also a stay-at-home mom. She homeschools all of us except my littlest sister, who is obviously too young for schoolwork. I've been homeschooled pretty much my whole life. I was technically in a public school for a few years when I did an online school that was connected to the state system, but I don't think anyone except the state considers that public schooling.

I really appreciate the fact the my mom decided to homeschool me. I love getting to be a big part of my school planning, and having a lot of control over what I do. I love being able to sleep in (nearly) as late as I want. I love getting to miss out on all that bullying, and other stuff that goes on at a public school.

And I love that, in spite of being homeschooled, I never feel like I'm missing out on anything. I'm not old enough for prom yet, nor do I have a date, but my mom offered to create a prom setting for my older sister and her date (plus a few friends) if they so wished. She has taken us on field trips that, I think, could rival those of a public school. She has done a lot to make my school years the best they can be- both academically and extra-curricularly. (Is that even a word???)

Thank you so much, Mommy!

______

May 1st, 2013

All of you teens out there who have been blessed with moms, this part of the post is for you, too.

It seems like so much these days, teens don't tell their moms "I love you" enough. Since when did loving your mom go out of style??? I should hate to see the day when loving your teen goes out style! (I should think you would too, anyone who's mom or dad graciously allows you to reside in their house!)
And hugs- what happened to those? Did they go extinct? Why is it suddenly embarrassing to be seen hugging your mom? What kind of idiot decided that once you reach the annoying- I mean, amazing age of 13, you should no longer hug or be seen in public with your mom?

So teens, I challenge you to just go do something nice for your Mommy this week. Tell her "I love you", take her on a nice date (or watch your younger siblings so she can go without you!), or even just give her a hug! I bet she would like that a lot. And maybe, while you're at it, put away the phone (or computer, or Kindle, or whatever), and just have a nice conversation with your mom. She wants to know what's going on in your life. Maybe you think it's nosy, but it's just because she loves you. (And I bet you'll want the exact same thing when you're a mom.)

Well, now that I'm done with my little tirade, I feel like I ought to keep you updated on my mad search for a Mother's Day present. I really want to do something special for my Mommy this year to let her know how much I love her. I understand that gifts aren't really the only way of doing that, but I do want to give her something nice. I'm thinking I'll crochet something, as well as write her a poem.

So, I guess that means I should go get started on that instead of writing about it...

______

May 3rd, 2013

Well, I finally decided what I would give my mom for Mother's Day- an Amazon gift card. She gives me so much, and rarely gets to buy anything for herself. This way, she can get some nice book for her Kindle, or anything else she wants. I think I'll crochet a little envelope to put it in. And of course, a nice letter. (For anyone who doesn't know, I love writing and receiving letters!)

As we get closer to Mother's Day, I've really been thinking about my mom. About all of the things she does for me. It's amazing how much she really does. How much she deals with.
______

May 10th, 2013

Well it's been a pretty busy week. A lot of stuff has happened, and because of that, I haven't really had as much time as I'd have liked to work on this post.

I guess I just wanted to say something in case I don't have time to say it before Sunday- I love you, Mommy. You're amazing, and I couldn't ask for anyone better. I love the fact that you ask about me, even if sometimes it seems a little odd. I love the fact that you are always supportive of me. I appreciate the fact that you answer all of my strange questions. (At least, the best you can.) I'm so happy that you and Daddy are still together and going on dates for your anniversary. (Happy anniversary, by the way!)

I guess what I just want to say is thank you- for being my Mommy. I love you so much!
______

May 11th

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, so I decided to add one last post before it gets published.

I don't really have all that much to say except this- all of you who have mothers should give them a hug, today. If you can't give them a hug in person send them a card, or call them up to say I love you. Superheros don't wear capes. Mothers are superheros.

I love you Mommy!

life

Prayer & Doctor Visits

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

“Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.”-Corrie Ten Boom

So, until now, I hadn't decided whether or not I was ever going to post anything about my rather unfortunate experience a couple weeks ago. It was pretty stressful, and I really didn't want to relive it any more than necessary. (Which, unfortunately, is quite often.) However, based on recent happenings, I decided that I would.

It all started about two and a half weeks ago, on April 19th. My little brother had one of his friends over playing, as well as his friend's two brothers. (It's rather cumbersome to keep calling him, "Friend", so let's pretend his name is **Bob instead.) Now, Bob's little brother came over before Bob himself, and was already playing on the Wii.

Well, Bob decided that he needed to play on the Wii and not his brother. I told him that he needed to wait his turn because his brother hadn't been on the Wii for very long. That made him kinda mad.

I don't entirely know what happened, but almost all of a sudden, Bob was in full blown rage. I told him multiple times that he needed to go home, and his older brother said the same. However, he kept running away. And when anyone got too close, he would kick or hit them. At one point he picked up and deliberately dropped the main piece to my dad's new sound system. He kicked my sister's laptop, threw a plate, and stomped on my toe. (Really hard.)

Well, after he got destructive, I called my dad. (Did I mention that my parents weren't home during all of this???) My eight year-old sister, six year-old brother, and I went outside while my dad talked to Bob's brother over the phone. Eventually, Bob went out of the house and we went back in.

The sound system was trash. The computer screen was cracked. My toe hurt like crazy.

Well, even after about two weeks, my toe was still in an incredible amount of pain. We had seen a doctor a few days after the incident, and she said that since it was the toe that was hurt there was pretty much nothing they could do. She just said tape it and keep off of it as much as possible. By this point (yesterday) it was swollen in a really weird place, and my mom was worried that the bone might have been displaced a bit. So we went back in for an x-ray.

Guess what they found?

My toe wasn't broken!!!

Since it's just soft-tissue damage, there's no need for six weeks in a boot/cast. Instead, we have it wrapped tightly with an ace bandage and I'm under strict orders not to do anything crazy on it for the next two weeks. (This would set the healing time back again.)

I think this is a good example of the fact that no prayer or problem is too small to bother God with. I mean, some people have trouble remembering that there is nothing so big that God can't fix it. I have more trouble remembering that there is nothing too small to bring before God. That God really does care about your hurting toe or your bug bites.

There is a quote that goes, "There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper." (Corrie Ten Boom said that.) However, it's also true that "There is not hole so small that God's love is too big to fill..."

** This name has been changed to respect privacy.

life

Almost 200 Views, But...

Thursday, April 25, 2013

"[This] scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love." -Steve Maraboli

Today has been a fairly crazy day. I went to babysit a little friend of mine around 10:30-ish, and I finished up around 6:30. People say eight hours is a long time to babysit. I agree with that. But you know, it's a lot of fun anyways- bloody noses and all. I really love getting to watch my little friend grow up. I love being a part of his week, and I love hearing him tell me we'll get married one day. (I love you too, Baby Josh!)

Other than babysitting, I haven't done a whole lot this week that I really care to share on here. Mostly because it's uninteresting, but partly because I have something better.

This past weekend, I was able to attend a Girls Of Grace conference. It was an amazing experience, and any of you girls out there, I definitely suggest it! I will admit that one of the biggest reasons I wanted to go was For King & Country. (Can I just say, wow!) However, I think I would have enjoyed it without their performance, and I'm sure you would, too. (At least you'd better!)

Anyway, it was a really neat event. I got to hear a lot of people speak about various stuff. Some of the messages are a little fuzzy now (almost a week later), but one speaker in particular really stuck with me. Her name was Constance Rhodes. She was the first speaker of the day, and she was talking about how you are more than a number. We have lots of numbers all over the place, and most of the time they're good things. They help us tell time, order things, charge people absurd amounts of money for stuff, etc. etc. etc.

But we have a tendency to take things a step further. Instead of just letting numbers help us, we let them define us. We think our weight, our age, our height, make us who we are. That they define our beauty.

But you know what? You are more than a number. Because there is only one you, and you were made by only one God. So next time you're tempted to let numbers take over your life- your weight, the number of Facebook friends you have, whatever- just remember that you are more than a number.

My blog has almost 200 views. But you know what? I am more than a number...

True Love?

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

To My Mommy

We May Not Understand Each Other, But...

All That We Are

I am (Partly) a Normal Person

What?!?!

May Is For Moms-

Prayer & Doctor Visits

Almost 200 Views, But...

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